Taking chances....

………..is sooo not me. It’s true that I often jump and worry about the consequences later on, but that only happens when it involves matters of the heart, things I value significantly. For other things… I’m very conservative.

I’m a fraidy cat….. I’m scared of trying new things, I’m scared that people would think I’m different, I’m scared of making mistakes - VERY, I’m scared of taking chances because then I wouldn’t be able to control the end-result. Although if you really think about it – who could ever control that?

When I started planning to have a baby, I began to think: (pretty late, huh… - as my friend Dina would put it: where have you been, Laine? Errr, not sure – control freak land, I suppose). Do I want my baby to imitate that? To live a life so cautiously calculated that everything gets so predictable and boring and tense? To have him ended up in a job that he hate but had to do anyway for 8 freakin years – just because in college he took a major that was considered by most people as the safest route to stability? Hell, no! Those were my mistakes, and I hope they would remain mine not his.

I hate accounting, hate every last bit of it… and yet I managed to have a career up to senior manager level in a big 4 accounting firm. From society’s point of view – I’m pretty ok. From personal point of view – I’m pretty screwed up. Who would spend 8 years doing something she hate? That would be me – the fool that I am. All because I’m too afraid to try something different, to take the path less travelled.

A couple of years ago, I was given the opportunity to try something new at work – involving branding & graphic designs; which I knew squat about. Literally squat. Photoshop? Heard of it – had something to do with pictures, right? Cropping, masking, layer, InDesign, design principles, layout, grids, margin, bleed & slug…… errrrr, mmmm,excuse me… I felt like I was in a whole new country with a totally different language. Not to mention that I’m technologically illiterate (or gaptek – as we Indonesians normally put it). But I thought, what the hell… let’s just see if I can work this one out.

And guess what… I love it! The feeling of trying something totally new and discover that I can handle that – with many scratches and bruises, of course, but hey… I managed. And for once in my life, coming to work doesn’t feel like a heavy burden.

So, to remember that feeling I decided to make something, with mediums I’ve never tried before. Canvas and paint – I know squat about them, too. And here it is, my first scratch and bruise playing with something new:

I know, I know, you’d say: Laine, what the hell were you thinking? My answer is: None, I didn’t think. I just created. And yes, it’s hideous… I agree, but I love it – because of the story behind it. :)

Here’s to taking chances!